Just a mirror for the sun

A mirror.

Even as I begin to write, I’m questioning my need for this exercise. Again, I’m fitting a mould, albeit one less known. The world is full of stories and we find holes shaped like us in them and we jump in and go for a ride. Everyday, I’m living a new cliché – today the drama queen, tomorrow the hippie and yesterday I was the lost child. I’m everything you need me to be. I’m a compilation of everything I’ve ever read, seen and heard so when I look at myself, all I see is a new arrangement of old things. All the arguments about originality, uniqueness… everything is just an exercise in repetition. We follow the patterns that our feet already knew existed. It’s all just an age-old dance. So why such angst over something so small? Constantly re-arranging ourselves to suit the people around us, we’re just mirrors for the entire world… Little shards of insignificant glass throw sunlight back in the air in all the colours of the rainbow. So easily caught in the net of hopes and expectations and belief. Such blind faith in your own reality. Do you really think you matter at all in the life someone else? It is so easy to move on. Nothing really matters so take joy in it all. Why the sorrow at your own life? How easy it is to forget one’s own insignificance. Do you really believe that what you do will have any permanence? It happens to the best of us. Filled with our self-importance we roam the streets, at each level thinking of the ones below and how much further we need to reach. We create our own hierarchies by creating our Ideal selves and then moving towards them. Why loathe the need to classify? It’s really all that we do anyway. That’s how we understand things. Everybody I meet wants to stand out from the crowd but never does anything about it. Constantly forcing people to look beyond their boundaries but never daring to peek out ourselves… we’ve had it easy, we’re already two steps ahead of everyone else on that front. I refuse to be you. You can go fuck yourself. And I can’t help but thinking that it’s your fault for that thought.

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