I’m just after a glimmer.

Losing is never fun. Losing a person, an object, an identity that you value or think holds all your emotions together is horribly like being thrown in a pool of cold water while being asleep. The only thing that makes it better, for me anyway, is movement. Run about, find a new purpose, decrease the importance of the old. Move, move, move. Find people, friends, lovers, acquaintances. Anything that doesn’t require thinking or feeling that horrible emptiness that suddenly hits you as you sink to the bottom before coming up for air. [A tad melodramatic perhaps, but allow me my moments of drama.]

Talking really doesn’t sort it out. Sympathy is hardly required. I’m really not eloquent, especially when it comes to emotions and whatnot. Sarcasm is so useful in these cases. Push away the people that want to tell you how sorry they are because accepting sympathy requires facing loss and one would rather not do that, right? Right.

I have no sad story that I wish to share, so friendship better not depend on me admitting weakness. That’s too frightening to contemplate. Why would I trust enough to tell you? What do you gain from the knowledge? These walls were created from past experience and they’re not dropping down at your whim and fancy.

Hush. Leave the silence be. Why must it always be filled with that noise? Where did you find all those words? Pick them up, sort them and compile them together. You talk and talk and I hear no sound. Sometimes it’s hard to remember what that word means. Language is so difficult to comprehend. Meaning changes; intentions lie in a tangled heap on the floor. I no longer understand anyone.

As if I ever did.


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